Kidnapping

Kidnapping jokes

Kid

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

Candy

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

Amount

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

Lord

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Lesson

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

Girl

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

Rape

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

Gun

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

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  • Orphan

    Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

    Because they want to feel wanted.

    KFC

    Person 1: "I love KFC."

    Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

    Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

    Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

    Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

    Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

    Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

    Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

    Basement

    What is black and blue and really hates sex?

    The six-year-old in my basement.

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  • Puppet

    There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

    Rose

    Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,

    If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.

    College

    College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

    Orphan

    Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

    Because most kidnappers use a family van.

    Ball

    "Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."