Kidnapping Jokes

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

A five-panel image depicting different stages of a person trying to understand the lore of FNaF (Five Nights at Freddy's), with a progression from playing the game to kidnapping the creator, Scott Cawthon. The first panel shows a brain with intricate patterns and text that reads "Playing FNaF for the lore." The second panel is similar, depicting the brain with a glowing center and reads "Watching theories on youtube about the FNaF lore." The third panel shows a blue figure with bright energy around the heart and reads "Trying to solve the FNaF lore." The fourth panel shows a red, fiery figure with raised arms and reads "Waiting for the FNaF lore to solve itself." The final panel shows a stick figure with a weapon and reads "Kidnapping Scott Cawthon and make him reveal the FNaF lore."

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun GET IN THE VAN!!

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

Because they want to feel wanted.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

What is black and blue and really hates sex?

The six-year-old in my basement.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.