Puppet jokes
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?
They both lie over little boys 😂
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:
"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
Master has given Dobby a Glock. Dobby is Thug.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Pinto?
What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?
Puppies get adopted.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"