Kidnapping jokes

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

What is the difference between preschools and my basement?

Little kids come out of preschool.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

What does an orphan call a kidnapping?

A surprise adoption.

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

Bend over and spell run.

Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.

How many times does 42 go into 9?

Get in the van to find out.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?

To get them into his van.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

Mario: Princess Peach got kidnapped again!

Luigi: Where did they go?

Mario: To the left.

Luigi: Fuck

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.