New Kidnapping Jokes

Son: Dad I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure ur my parents? Dad: oh...., well I never thought it would come to this, or to ur head that you were kidnapped..... Son: am I kidnapped? Dad; well ur adopted, and if you want to see ur biological parents they’ll be waiting for you in heaven

What's a kidnapper's favourite shoe? White vans

POV an Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid and the kidnapper called the kids mom then the mom said no its fine my kid got a b he failed and the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failiure

I was laughing my ass off when the 12 year old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival 🤣🤣🤣

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

Person 1 " I love KFC" Person 2 "yeah, me too!" Person 1 " How many have you gotten?" Person 2 " How am I supposed too remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?" Person 1 " Chicken? What chicken, what do you think KFC stands for?" Person 2 "? Kentucky Fried Chicken?" Person 1 " What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children." Person 2 " BLOODY WHATT??"

The Yo Mama song to end all yo mama jokes

if u kno what song this is parodying you get a cookie

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

Yo mama so fat, she gotta bathe in Sea World.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhhh, YO MAMA!

Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!

Yo mama so slow she took 9 months to get the joke.

Your own motheeer makes me giggle

Her struggling to do taaaasks, see her belly wiggle.

HEY

Yo mama so fat she on both sides o’the family.

Yo mama so inbred her own fam’ly tree

Looks like a spider web an’ yo mama so hairy

I thought it was King Kong I saw, that bitch is scary.

Yo mama so dumb a kid said “gimme a fag”

And in response she kidnapped Ricardo in a giant bag

Yo mama so blind, she drove through puppies in a blunder

I swear I almost thought the driver was Stevie Wonder

Yo mama so old, she’s nostalgic for the big bang.

Drier than Sahara, that crusty old thang.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

Yo Mama so fat her picture still printing out

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhhh, YO MAMA!

Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!

Yo mama so ugly I thought you had two dads

MMMMMMM

ahhhhhh

ohhhohoh

Your own motheeer, your own motheeeeer’s pussy is tight

It’s not too dryyy or weeet it’s just right

Hey Mama!

I fucked her so hard, the bitch done passed out

but not before I creamed all over her and shout

“I’M FUCKING THESE MOMS ALL THE WAY TO HEAVEN!

Don’t care if she’s 20 or 77!

I’m doing all the moms all over the worl’

Even if they weren’t ‘riginally born a girl.

A pussy’s a pussy no matter who its from

Don’t care if that woman is smart or dumb!”

That’s the truth there, baby! Even if

yo mama too stupid to tell apart her own kid

or if she’s so fugly, she’s the reason why

Helen Keller, poor soul, went deaf and blind.

I want to fuck every MILF on Earth

it don’t matter how much her ass is worth

or if she’s so poor, coal on Christmas is a treasure

Would I fuck her anyway? It would be my pleasure.

My body count so high can’t nobody top me

She said, “I’ll call you Freddie Mercury cause I want you to rock me.”

I said, “aiight bet! Can’t nobody stop me!”

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

But yo mama still so poor Africans donate to her!

Why did the kidnapper cross the rode

To get the the kids at the playground

Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone ask?

Because they want to feel wanted.

I heard there was a kidnapping

Don't worry he woke up

In the back of a van

It was his father's

Friend who was a priest

He was just bringing him to church

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention? Don't get carried away.

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization. Al-gebra.

Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"