Joke jokes

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

What is the smartest month?

April - No one can fool it.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello on the other side.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?

A: A creepy crawly.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?