Joke jokes

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?

Alexander the Grape.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

What cow can part water? Mooses.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

What is the smartest month?

April - No one can fool it.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.