Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh this, I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"Let’s talk later, I gotta catch a plane."
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree
To bad he left him hanging
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. "next to mine" was not the answer i was expecting
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”fuck off you won’t bring it back!”
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents."
Who needs April fools..
When your whole life is a joke?
