Joke Jokes

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

Oh no Oh no oh no no no no wait wait wait

The image is a two-panel cartoon. In the top panel, Moe from The Simpsons has a nervous expression and the text "Me making jokes." In the bottom panel, Homer from The Simpsons looks serious, and the text reads "A guy wants to date me."

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.