Joke jokes
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
Memes
When you see it, you won't be able to unsee it
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."
I shot her, now we wait.
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"
If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?