Joke jokes

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

What is the smartest month?

April - No one can fool it.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.