Joke jokes

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

What are a group of depressed people called?

A suicide squad.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?

A: A creepy crawly.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.