Irony jokes

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

Your joke: you.

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

I don't know why we have to make jokes about this, it's already a joke.