Irony jokes

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

Ironic that this page is dead.

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Haha, my life is a joke, but it ain't funny.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.