I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom and you think your in the clear but the Down syndrome kid says “goodbye”
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
I wasn't cut out for running today but those cops came out of no where
Jack and jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy Jack got a surprise and blood shot eyes because jill gave him a roofie
Which Book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible Plot Twist?
-The math Book📘🔢. Suddenly letters 🔠 appear in the calculations...
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
There was a women from ealing, she had a peculiar feeling, she laid on her backk, opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling
whats the difference of your birth and 911 one was planed
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends family and food?
Someone told him that Shelby coming round the mountain.
A: Why are you so sad? B: I was watching porn and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movi
A man walks into a bar and there is a line of people waiting to punch him. Yeah that was the punch line.
A blind man handed me a piece of paper it said "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽" I have no idea how he knew.
How do you surprise a blind guy.
Say, "Surprise"
We thought that my mother died in the best was possible, during her sleep. But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Go up to someone and say "im sorry for your loss" and see what they do
She blew on it and it went hard
He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her...
Silence...
And then at last she spoke...
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
well i got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep then my step bro got home and i did not know and hours later i woke up my pants were down and my butt was on fire
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse. 2 people bought plants. 3 people bought shovels. 1 person yelled. 3 people left Bunnings Warehouse. 1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired 💁♀️🤦♀️
