Irony jokes

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

I'm the joke, bitch.

"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?

Just walk away.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"

Orphan: -no response-

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.