Irony jokes

Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

Kobe: "Don't crash!"

Helicopter: *Crashes*

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Wanna hear a joke? It's called me :|

I'm the joke, bitch.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.

How did Steven Hawkings die?

His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

You know what's REALLY "Ironic"?

Answer:

These REALLY ARE the "Worst Jokes" I've ever heard!

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

Me: Gay puns are the best!

Also me: But I'm straight though.

Your joke: you.

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."