Irony jokes

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!

The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.