INS jokes
Only in Ohio.
Stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs. They can't stand up for themselves.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
And together we will make America great again.
You were never great in the first place.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?
-You guys- sure
Ok! -insert every game with a copy and paste/slender in the thumbnail-
This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."