INS jokes

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.