Im jokes

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.

Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

I'm at school and this website isn't blocked, and I need help on who did 9/11?

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...

I saw twins. I’m just waiting for those planes.

What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

Wanna hear a joke?

Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')

I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?