Hygiene jokes
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
Bleach solves so many problems:
Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.
Your hairline is so dusty that it got musty.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
Why do duckies wipe after they poop?
Their butt quack.
What did one butt say to the other?
Something brown is slithering down.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.
You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his ass.
My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.
What kind of poo should you put in your hair?
Shampoo.
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."