Hygiene jokes
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
Why is Helen Keller's snatch always sore?
She wipes with a Brillo pad.
Why does Helen Keller look in the toilet after taking a poop?
Nobody knows!
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.
I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.
Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it!
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!
What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.