So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
