Humor
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.
We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.
Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.
Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Haha, you just saw sex!
69.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."