Bob

Bob Jokes

Guy

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

Swing

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Bob.

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  • Dead Body

    Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

    The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

    "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

    "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

    The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

    "Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

    "Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

    "He thought he was having his picture taken."

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  • Orphan

    If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

    Double!

    Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

    Triple!

    Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

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  • Memes

    Bob Ross

    Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"

    Tuna

    What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

    You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

    But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

    Heart Monitor

    Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

    Similarity

    Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

    They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

    Baseball

    Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

    Planet

    Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!

    Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.

    Roblox

    Roblox Talent Shows be like:

    Host: Next Up is Bob!

    Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-

    *Buzzing Noises*

    Judges: You suck!

    Bob: I'm reporting!

    *Bob get's kicked from the server*

    War

    What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?

    Bruno Mars.

    Trip

    Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

    Bob Weir: Where are you going?

    Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. šŸ˜ÆšŸ¦„šŸŒˆ

    Grasshopper

    A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

    Flash

    Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

    Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

    Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."