Humor
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."