Humor
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.