Humor

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

This guy, yep, this guy right here.

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.

What’s black and long?

The Chick-fil-A line.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?

A: A jolly rancher.

Why do people enjoy orphan jokes! Lol... I LOVE IT >:)

"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}

What do Shrek and onions have in common?

*LAYERS*

Why do orphans become criminals?

To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

Why is it easy to weigh fish?

Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!