Humor
Bean.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
Memes
"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
How do you spell "cognitive mess?"
J.O.E. B.I.D.E.N.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.
Sharb Glarv Jug jug Milky Jar jar Pobbies Mm yum yum Rawr Big pooboes.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
Alahu-Akbar.
Here are some skeleton jokes.
You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.
If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.
I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.
I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.
I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!
I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.
I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.
Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!