Humor
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
ABπΏ
Innit.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Why is it easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales! ππππππ
Memes
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
Uremn es abarancin yngnumma gety asuma qshi tun?
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parentsβoh wait."
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, βI canβt see a thing. Iβll open this one.β The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?
It was family size.
"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."