Humor

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?

He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.

Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?

A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"