Humor
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
Memes
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.