Humor
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.