Humor

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

Bring out your weapons, people.

It's bullying time.

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.

You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Idk.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?

They both live long with dry skin.

I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.

My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.

You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

What did the shirt say to the pants?

Belt.

What do you call a nerd in space?

A space nerd.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

Why does a blind man still have eyes?

So he can see that he can't see.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.