Plant jokes
You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.
My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to garden?
Lil Plant
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
Grass for lash.
What did the corn say to the flying apple?
"That's corny."
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
What do you call grass that grows in space?
Astro-turf.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
Save the plants, eat a vegan.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
I fucking love rhubarbs.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.