Plant Jokes

What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?

The first is easier to bury.

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

Trees are so social. They're always branching out.

What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?

Both their parents were separated.

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

How can you get free butt plants just get your man to fill your butt with Natural juices

your hairline is so far back even the slaves can't plant that shit back

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?

In Orange County.

I just planted emo grass. Ignore it and it cuts itself.

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, Bud

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?" Her mother smiled and replied: Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy tool the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so hight that we fucked without a condom!