Bodily Function jokes
I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.
*fart* 👀 Oops!
Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
Why did an Indian cross the road?
To take a shit.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?
pOOp
I farted. LOL.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."