Bodily Function Jokes

Scissors

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

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  • Fart

    What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

    Fart

    An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

    A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

  • 3
  • Diarrhea

    Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

    When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

    I said, "I shit you not."

    Memes

    Dream

    Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

    Helen Keller

    How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

    I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

  • 0
  • Wish

    A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"

    So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."

    The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"

    Bathroom scale

    - Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

    - Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

    - Oh...that might actually be even easier.

    Fart

    Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.

    Fart

    I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

    Smoking

    How is smoking similar to oral sex?

    The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

    Poo

    Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!