Bodily Function jokes

Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.

She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.

The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,

"Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."

Toot and poop.

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

I love fard 😋

Pee.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

You dropped your toilet paper, right? You want to pick it up, but you can't because you have poop in your butt and it scwoshd! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.

Why does Helen Keller loom in the toilet after taking a poop?

Nobody knows!

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

*fart* 👀 Oops!

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

What do you call onions and beans?

Tear gas.

I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.