Humor
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
Memes
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
Who said white people can't jump?
Look at the footage from 9/11.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.