Humor

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

Funny.

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?

Rolls Royce.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.

That day is called "April Fool's."

How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?

Take off the wheels!

Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?

A: Because they're intended for a young audience.

A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.

Cashier: Is this your final purchase?

Customer: Actually, yes it is!

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.