Humor

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...

Isac, I suck deez nuts!

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?

The wheels on the chair go round and round.

Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?

To get some plane bread.

Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"

The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"

BOINGZINGA!?!

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.

What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?

A Tyrannosaurus Tex.

What did the orange say to the other orange?

I orange you glad!

What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?

Sharp! 🤣

Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.