Humor
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Do a neck reveal.
Chuck Norris sent the chicken back across the road.
Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!
What do you call a tall terrorist?
Osama Bin Laden.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Girl: I’m so in love with you!
Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.
Girl: What’s the ijk?
Boy: I’m just kidding.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.