Humor
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...
For every orphan, a bag of chips is family size.
What YouTube channel did Mt. Fuji subscribe to? Chrissy Man.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
What is the slipperiest county?
Greece!
Memes
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.