Humor

Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...

For every orphan, a bag of chips is family size.

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.

Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

No joke!

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

Funny.

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?

Rolls Royce.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.