Soldier jokes
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.