Humor
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?
"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.