Humor

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD

I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?

"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.

What's the city with the fastest growing population?

Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!

Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."

The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"

What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?

Ereptile Dysfunction!

Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.

Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.

Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.

Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.

What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?

"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."

Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!

Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!

Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!

Frisk: HAHAHA

Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!

Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.

An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"