Humor

Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."

Paper.

Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!

Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?

Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.

Where do astronauts 👩‍🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?

In their launch box! 🚀📦😂

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?

Ilean.

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.

Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!

Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.

I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.

My friend told me to name a country in Africa.

So I said, "Hungry."

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD

What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?

I don't know. I forgot.

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?

"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."

The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"

What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?

Ereptile Dysfunction!

Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.

Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.

Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.

Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.