Humor

Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

When is a rapist safe around children?

When his plans are oven ready.

what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.

Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

Q. What makes music on your hair?

A. A headband!

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.