Humor

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...

They just seem so forced.

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

Emos are dark people....

...So why are they all white?

Goths are even darker...

SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?

Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.

What do you call a mouse with sneakers?

Squeakers!

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.