Humor

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.

I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...

They just seem so forced.

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.