A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Humor
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
What do you call a mouse with sneakers?
Squeakers!
If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!
If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.
All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.
What do you call an Indian with pink hair?
Ghandi floss.
What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?
Meals on wheels.
Emos are dark people....
...So why are they all white?
Goths are even darker...
SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
