Humor
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!