Humor
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Why do I go around making orphan jokes? Because they can't go crying to their parents. 😅
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.