Humor
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?
What do you call a different spaghetti? An impasta!
PAPYRUS: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DIFFERENT SPAGHETTI SANS?
SANS: What?
PAPYRUS: AN IMPASTA!
SANS: Good one.
Explain Bear i hate you
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
None of these are jokes... they're all facts!
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Joke start.
Punchline!
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
I have a little John.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.