Humor
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
Did you?
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
Memes
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Why were the 1800s so crazy?
Because of Hairriet Tubman.
I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.