Humor
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.