What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
Humor
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
