Humor
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
Memes
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.