Humor
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.