Humor

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?

Tortilla chips.

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.

We had sex afterwards even though she lost.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

Why was the chef embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing.

Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.