Humor
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
I came here to laugh.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.