Humor

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.

I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."

Where do fish keep their money?

In a riverbank!

If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...

What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue.

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?

Beat It.

How do you know a hippie is on her period?

Her socks are missing.

How do you know she's off?

Her socks are tye-dye.

Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.

Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?

To drown herself.

Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.

A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

I'm a rapist.