How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
Humor
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
