Humor

What do you call a girl furry?

A pussy cat.

What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?

A blast from the past!

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

I just found out, these jokes are about dead people.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?

Blue Jay Simpson!

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?

Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!

Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!

What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?

A 50-year-old piece of meat.

A 12-year-old bun.

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.