Humor
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Yo mama so ugly, she went to a fat concert and they said no experts allowed! 😂
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Yo hairline so bent even Bob the Builder can’t fix it!
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."