What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Humor
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
All these jokes are all plane.
This ain't a joke, but the Twin Towers said their favorite number is 911.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
If 7 8 9 why was ten scared?
It was right in the middle of 9/11.
So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.
We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.
Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.
Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?
