Humor
Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.
Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
What's an Indian's favorite store?
Red Dot.
When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.
Yo forehead so big it touches yo neck.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Your mama is so ugly even the trolls threw up.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."