Humor
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What do Jamaicans say when they touch a cactus?
Pokemon!
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.