Humor
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.