Human jokes
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
Sans, why did you buy that pillow? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, grhrh. Sans, you f**k! You wake the f**k up! Frisk comes to the room and ./. You tell Papyrus what happened. Hhhuh, human, heeheheheh. Sans didn't pick up his sock, so I punish him. Sans egjf.
Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.