Catastrophe jokes

What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?

A doggone catastrophe!

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

I rate you a 9/11.

What do maths and 9/11 have in common?

They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

When do we think the Empire State Building is going to be shot down?

What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.

How do terrorists feed their babies?

Here comes the airplane...

HERE COMES THE SECOND ONE 👹

I wondered as the rock in the sky got bigger and bigger, then it hit the bottom of the Earth, and... "explosion!"

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.

Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.

Alen vs. Predator.

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

Stop with the 9/11 jokes, people. They're just not gonna fly.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"