What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Holiday Jokes
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌
Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Why did the lion say, "I'm faster than you," to the cheetah?
Because it was Halloween!
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Father's Day is a dad joke.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
