I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
Father's Day is a dad joke.
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
Telling jokes is snow problem.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.
