Holiday

Holiday jokes

Santa

    • My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?

    My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...

    Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.

    *Everyone Looks at me*

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    • School shooting

    • Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

    1. They usually happen in the USA.

    2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

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    • Occupation

    • A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."

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    • Holiday memes

    Dad

    • Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

    Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

    Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

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    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

    Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!

    Pen

    • I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

    Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

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