Holiday jokes
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Memes
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Why do mummies have trouble making friends?
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.
Have a great year!
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!