Holiday jokes
What do you read on Halloween?
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
me in thanksgiving
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
Why do mummies have trouble making friends?
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.