Holiday jokes
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
How can you help a llama on holiday? Alpaca your bags.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?