Holiday jokes
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.
Why do mummies have trouble making friends?
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
Have a great year!
Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!