Holiday jokes
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
Happy April Fool's Day.
I am the fool, now fuck me.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
me in thanksgiving
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Tis the season to be spooky.
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Father's Day is a dad joke.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.