Holiday jokes
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Happy April Fool's Day.
I am the fool, now fuck me.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Father's Day is a dad joke.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Tis the season to be spooky.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂