Holiday jokes
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
Memes
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Tis the season to be spooky.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
Father's Day is a dad joke.
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.